Ever needed to get places and don't have a car? Too lazy to walk? Wanna feel how it truly is to be a real New Yorker? Well now you can, with The Guy's Taxi Services! We provide the best high quality taxi cabs money (and the black market) can buy! We have a wide variety of models, all to suit your needs! Each of our drivers are specially trained to give you a great ride, where they are trained at our state of the art preschools to ensure the best education possible! Don't believe us? Take a look at the reviews that some of these customers said! (Prices vary for where you are going. Our Policy states that the drivers can charge you as much as you want. We don't really care. As long as we get rich- er - I mean, satisfaction, for giving you such a great time!)
Robert P.
Wow! The Guy's Taxi Services are amazing! It only took 10 minutes to get from my house to my aunt's birthday party! And it only cost a few credits, my silver watch, and my two gold teeth!
Emily T.
When I had an important meeting to go to, The Guy's Taxi Services were my answer! The driver was so nice and careful, when it looked like he ran over what looked like my dog, he actually said it was just built in stabilizers re-calibrating. Can't disagree with that!
A Random Dude we pulled off the street
Huh? Waht do I say again? Uh huh. Uh huh. Ok. The Girl's - uh - Guy's Pizza, what? Oh, Taxi Surgeons are the best one's around! Alright, I'm finished. Where's my 50 bucks you promised? And don't bother me, I'm on my smoke break!
As you can see, satisfaction, guaranteed! We are available to anyone and anything. We do not want to be involved in any politics, or wars, so please, respect us. We can transport you anywhere, as long as it does not harm our precious taxis...oh, and drivers. Yeah, I forgot about those too.
Our models
Taxi Cab: Our standard run-of-the-mill cab. It is our slowest model, and best used for short trips. It also is fuel efficient, for those eco-lovers out there.
Taxi Cab Mark II: Our next in line taxi. It is slightly faster and more maneuverable than our standard model, but only slightly faster. Again, it is recommended for short trips, like from your house to the spacemarket.
Taxi Cab Mark III: An even faster version of our Taxi Cabs. The seats are much more comfortable, with more room to fit your luggage. It can also travel much farther than our Standard Model and the Mark II. It is also slightly longer, too.
Taxi Cab Mark IV: If you need to get somewhere in a hurry, the Mark IV is the Cab to go. One of our more faster models, these are usually meant to be used on spacehighways, due to the maneuverability alot more worsened due to the speed.
Super Taxi Cab: One day at a regular old boring board meeting, we tried to find better ways to get to destinations faster. So, we devised the Super Series, a line of Cabs that have more maneuverability than their predecessor, while being much faster, and retaining the same look. And here we have the standard Super Taxi Cab. Travel fares a little more expensive when using these, but if you really, really, really need to get somewhere, call for one of our Super Series Cabs.
Super Taxi Cab Mark II: A modified Mark II fitted with faster Plasma engines, this Super Cab can travel great distances without using much fuel at all. All of our Super Series are much more fuel efficient, which helps greatly with the environment.
Super Taxi Cab Mark III: A completely new design, only a few of these have been made, but more are coming soon. It is much more aerodynamic, with a longer, sleeker body (that's what she said). Only our best of the best pilot these, and they are sure to get you to your destination faster than you can say "Hey, taxi!"
Large Taxi Cab: As the name implies, this limousine-type spacecab can hold much more people, but is fairly slow and less maneuverable. Either if you have a very large family, going to a party, or if you are a cat lady with lots of cats getting your first rays of sun in years, just call up one of our Large Cabs.
Executive Taxi Cab: Meant for higher ranking people, celebrities, politicians, my mother, these are one of our more heavily armored taxis, and they are equipped with shields and anti-missile defenses. They also have Chemical, Biological, Radiological, and Nuclear (CRBN) defense, in case any sort of serious event occurs which may harm our passenger.
Militarized Taxi Cab: The Army one day came up to us and proposed a strange idea: disguise a fighter to look like one of our taxis. So, we devised this special variant, armed with lasers, shields, and anti-missile defenses. It is very agile and fast, and can take a beating. Honestly I don't think that it really does look like a taxi, but don't tell the head general in charge of this project. We are perhaps planning on using this as a civilian model, perhaps to defend our passengers against hijackers, terrorists, and people who sell you stuff by the road.
Jamoke's Taxi Cab: A very special, custom built taxi cab, gifted to one of our long-time drivers, Jamoke De Sanderson. It is armed with forward facing lasers, a very powerful plasma thruster, multiple layers of armor, and a sweet paintjob. (Credit to @FangTheCat. Thanks for the cab!)
As you can see, we have a large assortment of vehicles, to suit your every need! You can call for any model you want. Prices may vary. So give us a call at 888-123-TAXI, for a free consultation.
The Guy's Taxi Services. Your sure to have a great ride! Even though you may die! ©
